Old but better

Budweisser:

Dear Budweiser,
I love budweiser beer. Budweiser is by far the freshest tasting, crispest, most refreshing beer that god ever invented. I love it, my wife loves it, our little daughter loves it! I know how some people are allways saying little kids shouldnt drink beer, but hey, at least its not crack, right? Also, my dog loves your beer. I usualy make him drink about 24 ounces at dinner, and i dont let him eat until he drinks it all. Then i feed him chocolate and chicken! YUM!
The best part about budweiser is the way it impairs your ability to drive! I didnt believe this at first, i allways thought driving drunk would be dangerous, but not with Bud! I fly throught the streets like a madman! I could never do that sober or drunk on some other, inferior beer. I usualy drink about 40 bottles of budweiser after work, then i put the wife and kids in the car and its off to the races! FUCK YEAH! Everybody better clear the roads, cause im hell on wheels, baby! YEAH!
Oh yeah, i love how much it makes me pee, too. And it softens my stools! no more uncomfortable bowel movements! When my daughter grows up and starts dating, im not letting her near anyone who doesnt drink at least a 12er of bud every day. How do they expect to have sex with my daughter if theyre not wasted on bud? Shes pretty ugly. Especially with the Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. She looks like kermit the goddamn frog.
Anyway, thank you for making the best beer in the universe. I love you so so so much.
ps- are those frogs still alive?
-Reverend Mint Conklin