I'm out of ideas, so just like holywood its time to start recycling. Here are some emails i wrote to various corporations a few years ago.
ConAgra Foods:
Hello my friends,
I just tried your Banguet brand Chicken Pot Pie, and all I can say is HOLY FUCKING SHIT THATS A GOOD POT PIE! I love pot pie, i love chicken, and i LOVE chicken pot pie. But ive never had one this good. I have been looking for the perfect CPP for years, ever since my mom used to make them back when i was little. She used to burn them badly, and they tasted like ballsack. Once she "accidently" droped one on my lap and caused 3rd degree burns on my genitals. but thats neither here nor there. The point is that the CPP YOU make is amazing. I love the way the flavor dances on my tounge, and all over my chest, when i rub it there. I wish i had more CPP. I just ate one on my lunch break, and my boss had to ask me to leave the lunchroom because i was moaning so loud. Aparently i was suposed to have pants on in the lunchroom as well. Who knew?
Anyway, Please keep making your wonderful CPPs. If you ever stop making them, i will starve to death.
Yours Truly,
Mint Conklin
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The ravings of a lunatic who is, by all acounts, completely and almost disapointingly sane. The man is bipolar in the way he swings between dire geo-political ravings and a special kind of hilarity that is reserved exclusively for the born-again crazy.
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