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Thursday, February 03, 2005
ConAgra part deux
So the other night i went to buy more pot pies. I noticed that they also sell beef pot pies, so i decided to give them a try. Let me tell you, they are disgusting. If you have ever been to Australia and tried a "meat pie", you know what i mean. Like dog food in a flaky crust. Well, true to form, i decided to let ConAgra know about their failure.Hello to all my friends at ConAgra Foods!You may recal my recent coments regarding your Banquet brand Chicken Pot Pie (CPP), the absolute best and most magical food on earth. Unfortunately, I am afraid that what i have to say today is not as encouraging. The thing is, I decided to try your Banquet brand Beef Pot Pie (BPP). I thought, hey, i love beef, i love pot, and i love pies, it stands to reason that i would love the BPP! Well, if by "love" you mean i felt as if every molecule in my body had suddenly turned into pig diareahh, then yeah, i loved it. If by "love" you mean that i stripped paint from my kitchen ceiling with torrent after torent of steaming, highly acidic vomit, then yeah, i loved it. If by "loved" you mean i have cried myself to sleep every night since, and havent even been able to get out of bed without drinking at least a liter of tanqueray, then yeah, i fucking loved it, you goddamn douchebag. Im sorry. I dont mean to be abusive. I know its not your fault that the BPP was a complete and atrocious debacle, a lump pf pure, unadulterated BADNESS that should never have been concocted, let alone marketed and eventualy unleashed on an unsuspecting public. I cant even masturbate with this lump of putrescence. Please remove it from the market as soon as possible. If i eat another one of these abominations i will surely die. Thank you. Conklin...OUT!