More old shit that i find awesome

I wrote this YEARS ago, but im in a dry spell right now so here you go.

Friday, February 11, 2005
the Karate Fucking Kid
I've been thinking allot today about the karate kid. The third movie was a waste of ass, but man, I have to say that the first two had a profound effect on me growing up, and still have an effect today. The original Karate Kid was released in the United States in 1984. I was seven years old. My mom took me to see it, and it literally changed my life. Up to that point, my only exposure to the mysteries of being fucking awesome came from Indiana Jones, and the Kung Fu movies that I watched with my dad on Sunday mornings. Indiana Jones was the shit, but he wasn't Mr.. fucking Miyagi. Not by a long shot. The Kung Fu movies were great, but they were totally inaccessible to my 7 year old mind. I could understand that kicking ass was awesome, but the subtleties of Asian martial arts culture eluded me, no matter how hard my dad tried to explain it to me. Not that he knew much about it beyond a basic understanding of Zen Buddhism and its relation to ass-whuppin. Then along came Mr. Fucking Miyagi. From Okinawa. He was a small, unassuming old man with a ironic sense of humor and a very thick, often unintelligible accent. He was like a human version of Yoda, but not as much of a weirdo. Miyagi was the kind of person that you make friends with right away, the first time you meet them, and that's exactly what happened with Daniel Larusso. I identified very strongly with Larusso. As a child, my family moved around quite a bit. I was often plunged into new environments with new challenges and new people who didn't like me. I went around wishing I was tougher, wishing I knew some karate. I went around wishing for my own Mr.. Fucking Miyagi. Watching Miyagi build Daniel-San up from a whiny, helpless punk into a whiny, determined ass-whuppin machine had a very deep impact on my life-view. I realized the importance of balance. I realized the importance of always waxing off what you wax on. I learned that violence is never the answer, but it helps to understand how it works, in case you are set upon in a deep fog by a bunch of Cobra-Kai bitches dressed up like skeletons.The final sequence of the first Karate Kid movie is amazing. Daniel-san, after Billy, aka Sensei Kreese's bitch, BREAKS HIS FUCKING LEG with a fucking illegal sweep to the knee, is all but forced out of the All-Valley Karate Tournament. After all, his fucking LEG IS BROKEN. He cant walk. "A man cant walk, he cant fight", right? Thats what evil-ass Sensei Kreese tells his misguided Cobra Kai bitches. Miyagi gets really worried, Daniel-San's mom is crying, his hottie girlfriend is crying, all hell is breaking loose. Daniel-San is on a fucking stretcher in the locker room with his FUCKING LEG BROKEN. Hes crying and pissing his Gi and doesn't know whether to shit or what. Miyagi, calm as you please, does some crazy Okinowan Alexander Technique shit and sets Daniel-San's leg. Daniel-San gets up, staggers back into the ring, and bows to Johnny, the Head Bitch of the Cobra Kai Dojo. Johnny is all like "what the hell, I thought you broke his fucking leg" and Sensei kreese is PISSED. He actually starts screaming "finish him Johnny! NO MERCY" or some shit. Johnny comes running up to "finish" Daniel-San, but Daniel-San pulls out the Crane Technique and fucking drops the bitch with a kick to the face. WITH A BROKEN LEG. That's when that awesome song comes on:" your the best, around, nothing in the world can drag you down" and everybody comes rushing out of the stands to carry Larusso, broken leg and all, on their shoulders because he has defeated the evil Cobra-kai and won his title a ALL-VALLEY KARATE CHAMPION. Fucking awesome. Tune in next week, when I talk about the Karate Kid pt II. Daniel and Fucking Miyagi journey to Miyagi's homeland of Okinawa, where a whole new kind of shit hits the fan....