Curacao; infections, comic gold

so the little lady and i just got back from a week in curacao. six days of sun, water, rum, and 10oz Venezualen pilsners. At some point, i seem to have brushed against the dreaded Devil's Nettle, and now i have a horrible festering mess on my leg that wont go away. The good dr. gave me some antibiotic for it today, but given my distrust of antibiotics i think i will wait unitl friday to start taking it.

Now, whilst in curacao, two things happened that i thought were hilarious. First:

In Ortabanda they have a bridge that is retardedly high. It is high enough that cruise ships pass beneath it, so were talking HUNDREDS of feet here. Looks like a goddamned roller coaster. Tiny little guard rails, no median, etc. Terrifying. I didnt want to drive over it but i had to, one day. So i girded my loins, gripped the wheel in a maniacal death-squeez and drove. Of course, right when i get to the apex of this span of terror, and the sun glints off the ocean a THOUSAND MILES below, a fucking hornet flew into the car.

That would be bad enough. A man of less composure would, at that point, simply cut the wheel and drive screaming to his doom. But i am cool. I am ice. I do not falter. Instead of driving over the edge in an orgasm of frustrated fear, I started swerving madly from lane to lane, thus allowing me to swat at the hornet while still scaring the shit out of Katelyn.

The hornet, who i am convinced was graced with a sense of ironic dickishness, decided that the best response to my calculated swerving and seemingly frantic flailing, was to fly up the leg of my shorts.

With that, the impervious facade of unshakable confidence that i normaly exhibit flew out of my asshole at about mach 9. I became, in the words of one Egon Spengler, "terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought".

Try to imagine our rented pickup barreling over this bridge at about 80kph (my only thought was to get to the OTHER SIDE before the inevitable ball-stinging commenced, at which point i had no doubt i would drive this fucking truck into the nearest obstacle at top speed), swerving slighly, the passenger screaming at the driver, who appears to be punching himself in the penis with wanton fury. It must have been a sight to behold.

The good news is i didnt get stung. Somehow the little fucker (the hornet, not my penis) flew away and all was well.

The other funny thing was a resturaunt bathroom i saw. One door had a picture of a man and said "men. The other had a picture of a woman and said "women". Still another had a picture of a person in a wheelchair and said "out of order". Awesome.